Numb
by miarae
Summary: [ONEPARTER] Based on the “Numb” video I downloaded from Kazaa. Nathan is sick and tired of Dan pushing him time and time again.


**Title:** Numb

**Summary:** Based on the "Numb" video I downloaded from Kazaa. Nathan is sick and tired of Dan pushing him time and time again.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything related to One Tree Hill. Same goes for Linkin Park. I also have no rights concerning the video, but sadly I don't know who made it.

* * *

I wish

I could be

More like you

And less like me.

So you would be proud of me dad. So I would see you looking at me with pride in your eyes.

But I can't.

No matter how hard I train, how hard I push myself to become better, stronger, faster, it's never good enough. I'm never good enough.

And I don't think I can take it anymore.

You're my father and I want you to be proud of me, of what I am, I'm becoming, but I realized I can't. Even when I do everything for you, just like you asked me to, your eyes never light up with that proud happiness.

It's just too much.

I feel so much when all I ask for is to be numb. So your cold words, dissaproving eyes, just hit a wall of stone instead of an already wounded heart.

I'm so tired of being what you want me to be 

_Feeling so faithless_

_Lost under the surface_

_Don't know what you're expecting of me_

What DO you expect from me dad? You want me to be like you but when I am you put me down, saying that I can never be as good as you are. I know that, but still I try.

_Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes_

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

I keep remembering things. Things you've said, arguments we've had.

_

* * *

_

_Dan: I hear Whitey gave your spot to Lucas. Do you even care that it's slipping away? All the work we've put into it, all the plans that we've made. _

Nathan: All the plans you've made, dad. All the work I've done.

Dan: Fine, quit the team. Hell, quit school for that matter. I'll tell you what; I'll give you a job working at the dealership. You can spend the rest of your life haggling over free floor mats with morons with bad credit. How does that sound? Because that's where you're headed, and that's if I give you the job! I just want more for you, Nathan. More than a 9-5 and the feeling you could've had a better life. And, I want you to be happy. I do. But, you need to tell me if you still want to do this. Do you?

* * *

_Nathan: You know, you'd think he organized this entire thing himself. Just so he could get back on the court. _

Deb: I know he's been tough on you lately, Nate. But I want you to know things are going to change around here.

Nathan: I just wish he'd lay off, you know. I wanna do good for him. He just gets so worked up about this stuff.

Deb: Well, if you don't want to play, don't play. He'll get over it.

Nathan: You know that's a lie, Mom.

* * *

_Tim: Enemy approaching. _

Dan: That's right, enemy approaching. Are you going to bring your best game or what?

Nathan: You're down by thirty, Dad.

Dan: No, I'm talking to you. You bring your best game, I'll bring mine, and then we'll see.

Nathan: We'll see what?

Dan: We'll see who's the best. Or maybe you'd rather not know.

* * *

_Dan: That was a sloppy turnover, Nathan. That's not like you. _

Nathan: That's because it was on purpose.

Dan: On purpose? Why?

Nathan: Because you don't deserve my best game, Dad. Look. I could've beat you. You know it and I know it. You know, if you want to mess with that, go ahead. I'll give it to you.

(NATHAN steps back and DAN shoots. Everyone's stunned)

Nathan: You didn't beat me, Dad. You never will.

(NATHAN storms off; everyone's shocked)

* * *

_Dan: Well, your mother hasn't exactly been herself lately. It might help if you tell her you're happy. She thinks I've ruined your life. _

(NATHAN looks down)

Dan: Cove City game's coming up.

Nathan: Yeah. Whitey claims that if we lose, the sun doesn't rise.

Dan: Well, he might actually be right for once. Of course, you know who scored the most points against the Cavaliers?

(NATHAN nods)

Dan: 42.

Nathan: Yeah. I'm looking to top that this week.

Dan: No. You won't. You want to know why? Because you're not tough enough inside. I got coverage buckets you'll never get because you can't bang down low like I did. That plus the fact that your conditioning's for crap. I never left the floor during a game.

* * *

_Nathan: (Standing up, with no expression) I'm happy, Mom. Dad loves me._

_

* * *

_

_(LOCKER ROOM. NATHAN walks up to TIM, who slips pills into NATHAN'S hand) _

Tim: Okay I got them. Pause You sure about this?

Nathan: Have you met my dad?

TIM turns to completely face NATHAN

Tim: Okay, here's the deal. These are basically amphetamines. They're like, steroids on speed or speed on steroids. Anyway, you gotta be careful Nathan.

Nathan: Whatever gets me jacked for Cove City, man.

Tim: Here. These will definitely do that.

* * *

Looking back I can't believe I did that. But I had to. I was so sick and tired of my father trying to put me down every single time I played basketball. I had stopped loving it a long time ago. All I wanted now was to win, to show him that I could be better. I could be all he wanted me to be.

* * *

_Nathan: You know this whole thing is just another chance for you to pick me apart and show me how much better you are. Well there you go Dad, you just kicked my ass, congratulations. (He starts to applaud) It was great really. _

Dan: Don't make a scene.

Nathan: You know what? I almost killed myself for you. You know that?

Dan: What are you talking about?

Nathan: Drugs dad! I took drugs for you.

Dan: No! My son would never take drugs.

Nathan: "Your son". it's all about you isn't it dad? You know why mom kicked you out? Cause you're a bully. And you don't give a damn about anything other than your own ego.

Dan: Would you keep your voice down?

Nathan: No! You know what you should do? You should give mom a divorce. You should do her a favor and give mom a divorce. She's never going to be happy with you dad, Nobody is!

* * *

_Can't you see that you're smothering me _

_Holding too tightly_

_Afraid to lose control_

_Cause everything that you thought I would be_

_Has fallen apart right in front of you_

I can never be enough. And yet still I try. Despite of it all, the comments, the harrassing...I still want him to be proud. Even though inside I feel like dying, my brain is telling me to go harder, faster. Train more Nathan, and maybe then you can please him. Score more points Nate and he'll respect you.

But he never will.

_All I want to do_

_is be more like me_

_and be less like you_

**Review please!**


End file.
